15 March 2010

Titanium Reinforced Self

For those of you I know personally, you've probably already seen my impressive X-rays, but for the rest of you I'm announcing that I have recently had cause to become hyper human.

Not content with collar bones constructed of mere bone matter, which I ably demonstrated can break with the aid of a single mountain bike and a spot of bad luck, I opted for hyper human augmentation.

I can wholeheartedly recommend the procedure should you be advised that it's necessary for adequate bone knitting. It completely stopped the disconcerting clunk that occurred in my shoulder on certain movements for the 36 hours prior to surgery.

The only down side was, apart from the usual recovery and healing process, I discovered much to my surprise, morphine is quite disgusting. It certainly blankets almost all pain but at the expense of almost all cognitive ability.

Further, morphine causes the sensation of hanging upside down in a vat of warm butter after having skulled a salmon milkshake. With an automated IV drip, that feeling was only a button press away should I become convinced that it was better than post op pain.

Now I'm back on the bike but my shoulder does not have 100% strength or mobility and my muscles feel wasted and weak all over. So if you happen to pass me on a hill, this is going to be my standing excuse.


  1. Geez, buddy! My hip operation is nothing compared to your shoulder. We should catch up and share our life stories sometime.

  2. Wow, that's an impressive x-ray photo. Congrats on being back on the bike again! Cheers, Sarah